So in my project, The Girl and the Dragon, the point is that the first main character - Aethelinda - wants to destroy a set amount of towers in order to complete her contract with a dragon. Her dragon friend is quite a pesky chap, and becomes angry if she does not do what he wishes.
So onwards, to the first tower.
And it's taking me such a long time.
Firstly there are bugs; bugs everywhere! Some are easy to fix, some are very time consuming. For example...
If you look closely you can see a shadow to the right of the players. Yeah, this dude isn't meant to be able to do that - he's only meant to be sticking to the ground. (Though it does a look a wee bit more creepy.) I didn't realise that this tileset allows players to walk through the roof tile. (The tileset presumes you'll always want to add a wall tile between.) If I want to keep the design I need to make a black impassible tile all around these maps which will be very time consuming. I probably won't be fixing this for the first demo.
Throughout the tower there are many various events to interact with, which also causes bugs. I'm already running out of ideas for the first tower, so while I was keen on making 14 of these bad boys, I think I'll stick to 9, and possibly start playing more rpgs for ideas.
Still, there is a lot to explore right now, with 5 levels so far (only 2 more to go!) and about 4 hidden characters to find.
The inbuilt character creator is currently weeping from exhaustion.
I'm getting closer and closer to that demo, and I'm really excited to share it.
I think those who know me in person might have varying opinions on my social confidence. Some may say that I am a shy, quiet person, others would say that I am a confident, talkative person. I would say neither of these really fit who I am.
For example, I am fine with having a conversation with a stranger but I get a room full of anxiety if there are lots of unexpected guests invited over. There's nothing wrong with my housemates doing that (it's their home, and they're lovely!) it's just something I need to get used to and learn how to deal with. I wrote about it in poem here.
When I am upset I could anaylse the cause of my anxiety by looking into past Tulin, but it's not something I want to carry accidently into present Tulin - like going into a dusty room and accidently bringing some of that dust back with you! I don't think understanding the past will help solve my problems, so better leave that one be.
In the most recent situation, the best thing I could have told myself was to relax. Chill. It's ok. At the end, what is this? The situation is that there are lots of people in the room I'm in. Ok, so just go upstairs. But I'm hungry. They'll be gone so. But what if they're not? Then what the heck, I'll buy chinese.
Mmm chinese.
I reason with the inner voice that is scared, like a big sister talking to a little sister. My method has been to try and find a logical short term fix to the matter at hand to help feel better. My creativeness tends to be good at this. It's just getting to the stage when the big sister can say what she wants without the little sister crying and getting upset with herself.
I'll work on it.
I can get nervous giving my opinion on something or talking about certain topics such as faith or health. It's hard to have this private, logical reassurance during this time. I'm still not too sure how to manage these things, other than not to talk about it. I end up shaking when I go to the doctors and I have 4 medical appointments up and coming. Perhaps I'll try to turn of some of the switches.
Have you ever been able to emotionally detatch yourself?
I've been able to do this both intentionally and unintentionally. Sometimes, when someone is hurt or there is danger, I can rely on reasoning and thought to deal with the initial situation until it is over. This has generally almost always been a benefit.
However, sometimes I've gone through days and wonder what's wrong with me. I feel like I've suddenly lost emotion completely. It's quite terrifying really, because I think usually I'd feel this, or feel that in certain events that happen and I just don't. I can be cruel and cold without feeling guilt during this time.
Perhaps if I could learn how I could switch this on intentionally when it's useful. It wouldn't work for avoiding guilt, but it might help lessen the impact when things go wrong or drama happens.
I could do with one for empathy too.
Oh? Despite occasionally cold I recieve others emotions?
It's not 100% but yes, I can. Sometimes to the extreme when it can affect my own emotion. If someone is angry, I can feel it, and I can feel angry too. Same with anxiety, joyfulness, sadness, etc. Luckily it doesn't tend to affect my mood too often unless it's quite substantional. This "empathy" has been useful and detremental in many ways, though I would say most useful. For example it can help me learn quickly whether someone is upset, or on occasion, when someone is about to have an epiletic fit. However, by learning there is something wrong, sometimes I can cause harm by directly asking that person and being concerned when they don't respond, or by over-worrying the possible loss of a friendship to a point where I actually do lose that friendship. I need to still learn when to act and when to wait for others to come to me.
How does this empathy work?
I don't think there's too much to it, other than being observant and recognising body language, voice tone, speech, and remembering a filter of how I and other people have behaved before and finding links. Sometimes I can't remember the evidence to why I feel someone feels a certain way, it's just a gut feeling.
Back to anxiety, empathy can make me feel anxious too, so I need to really try and get some kind of switch or fuse going on here. I don't have too much to say anymore, so I think I'll end this post here.
I left my harddrive back at home, which has been annoying as I've been itching to continue writing my novel!
I'm currently working on reading the books I've got from the library. I have an addiction to issuing books from the library only to never read them. Right now the most interesting and amusing book seems to be 'The Rise of the Vampire' written by Erik Butler.
I have no access to my game, The Girl and the Dragon right now, but I'm casually updating Little Cat. Though I doubt anyone is interested, I should be releasing demos soon, yay!
I like to use Soundcloud to search for new music. I find there are often hidden jems you can find who have not yet gained a larger outside audience. While searching for music to inspire my friend's pen and paper game, I came across such a gem who goes by the name of 'Iiris'.
Iiris is from Estonia and has a unique voice. The best way to describe her is a Japanese pop singer crossed with Björk. Often a piano and electric sounds accomplies her. She is a impressive artist. I've not listened to pop music for quite a while, but I cannot help but like Iiris. I hope she gets far.
I'll admit, my room hasn't been tidy for years.
So during these holidays I've been making a real effort to tidy my room. To give you an idea of how bad it is, when my mum came in to check on me she was surprised she could suddenly see the floor.
So far I've found 3 drum sticks, poetry & drawings I did in primary school, pikachu stickers, an old DS, kitchen scales, hairspray, toothpaste, shower gel, my old braces, hairbands (millions of 'em!), postcards, so many birthday/christmas cards, 1ps and 2ps, stuffing foam and plenty of tissues.
And that's the short version of the list.
Thing is, while clearing out my chest of drawers, I'm not really sure what to do with some of the items. I mean, where do you keep drumsticks? Namely 3? On top of the drum kit? Well... My poor floor drum is covered in other junk where I don't know where to move. What do I do with my old writing? Will I regret it if I chuck them? If so, where can I put them so they won't get in the way?
If I think about it,
Will I ever want to look at stuff I did as a kid? Nope.
I don't know why I'm such a hoarder.
- No! I do know why. But alas, I should try not to be one anymore. Time to move on from the past and all that eh?
But what on earth do you do with a giant box with a game called 'The weakest link' in it?
I've no interest in playing that at all....
At the moment I'm craving pork buns.
I would love to make these, but alas, I do not have a steamer! (or the money to buy ingredients right now...)
I'll put this video on my to do list though! Nom!
