Gah.

There's a lot of words I want to flood onto the screen right now. But it'd just arrive in some kind of messy lump that won't mean anything. I am incredibly lonely but I don't have the energy to communicate. When I do there are misunderstandings. Needless to say, it's frustrating. I feel there's no real point in being here any more. I'm torn too many ways. Maybe it'd be best if I focused on one thing at a time, if I left all of this and lived in solitude?

Nightmares

I've been having a lot of nightmares recently, despite feeling in much better circumstances.

Doctors, castles, settings and guinea pigs

Lets start with guinea pigs.

I've decided that my life wouldn't be complete with rabbits. Rabbtis are lovely, amazing, and all kinds of wonderful, but guinea pigs offer things like hugs and cuddles which most rabbits do not like at all.

It's okay Fuzzy, I still love you.

 Which led me to start calculating how much dream-Tulin life would cost. I made a spreadsheet to add the yearly cost of rabbits, guinea pigs, fish, a parrot, bearded dragons... Etc and then went further, and decided where I'd be living.

Obviously, I'd be living in a castle.

It'd be £2.5 million if I was happy to live in the middle of nowhere, up in Scotland. Suddenly my ambititon to earn just a million by the time I'm 30 doesn't seem ambitious enough.

So I get down to writing. I have a special writing assignment already which will probably take me around a year, but in order to guarantee future clients I've decided to focus on a portfolio that displays my writing and what I can do. I've been fortunate enough to spend a week at a Spanish island recently, and found a lot of the views truly amazing. But what inspired my writing most was how different the houses were, the castles, etc. I learnt that my settings were not varied enough. I need to liven them up.

Jereme Peabody is a talented software engineer and artist, and his gallery can be found on deviantart.

Jereme's work is very inspiring to me, and I hope my writing will begin to benefit from this.

In another world, I had an appointment recently with a specialist. She told me that yes, it's chronic, it'll be there all my life. She said there will be good days and there will be inevitable bad days, whatever happens. But then she said there's hope that under certain procedures it can be 'good weeks and bad days'.

Here's for a good week.

Map improvements, slow time

I've been working on remaking the map for Ancia, and have come up with a new prototype which I hope makes the world look more vast and exciting. As you can see, it's not quite done yet. Donjon has an excellent fantasy map maker that you can use for free, which I highly recommend. I am quite likely to redo the map once again as the 'Dragon Lands' (placement name 'til I think of something much less cheesy) should be further away, and I can't quite explain how Elledi - a friendly and agriculture-based settlement is squished between three of the most dangerous and dodgiest places in the world. But then again, it is fantasy.

Unfortunately I've not been doing too much as I am currently unwell. I will be moving house soon which might be a slightly extra struggle. We shall see.

Wheel

Sometimes when you are unwell, you learn a bit more about your home. When you are unwell you learn where comfort is and isn't. You learn about the nooks and cranny's of the house where, someone who is well may take for granted. Even today I can close my eyes and visualize patterns in the old cork paneling that my parent's bathroom used to have. I remember making stories about these patterns early in the morning as the sun rose. You also don't really care about certain parts of the home as much as you would otherwise. The kitchen? Forget it. You could struggle forward and end up losing even more spoons in the process, or you can hide away upstairs and just forget it. And it's okay. Because when you're better, you'll be able to do all the washing up.

When you're better.

When I'm better I will hopefully be able to celebrate my birthday that's coming in 6 days. I will have moved house by then too. When I'm better I'll be able to run again, and to work on my business plans. When I'm better I'll be able to go on holiday, to see a little more about the world and to enjoy learning about new things.

When I'm better.

Sometimes when you are unwell, it is hard to imagine feeling better. Sometimes, it is hard to forgive that endless cycle that goes on and on and on. When you're better you might even forget about the cycle for a while. But then it comes back, and you wonder 'How do I break the wheel?'

Maritime Archaeology

Do you like my quick sketch?

Not only have I been lurking on duolingo, but during my spare time I've also taking a liking to Future Learn, a place to enrol in fascinating courses for free. Maritime Archaeology is one such course I have enrolled in, but unfortunately had begun long before I joined and has recently finished. As this is the case I am rushing through the course as quickly as I can, as I worry it may disappear over time.

I've always been curious about Archaeology and could not help but discover what Maritime Archaeology was all about. It turns out that it can encompass quite a lot of things, from examining sunken vessels to investigating evidence of past human activities and way of life  underwater, by river beds, or how people interacted with the sea/water. Some evidence can be found on river banks, and dug up from the ground, mud and marshes too.

There is a lot to take in, but I am aiming for just a broad overview and perhaps a few interesting case studies over there which I am certain the course can provide.

No quotation marks!

As mentioned in previous posts, I've been learning French. According to Duolingo, in French you don't use quotation marks.

• Incorrect: "Ça va?"
• Correct: « Ça va ? »

Something new I have learnt today :)